


If you’d let me be your friend

by virgilsjourney (jenna221b)



Series: Sanders Sides Ficlets [11]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Can Lying Be Good, Characters Watching Harry Potter Movies, Developing Friendships, Emotional Manipulation, Fitting In! (Hogwarts Houses), Gen, Heathers References, Hurt/Comfort, My Negative Thinking, Post-Video: Can LYING Be Good??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 21:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13599156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenna221b/pseuds/virgilsjourney
Summary: Part of Virgil almost finds it funny that Roman once compared him to J.D- especially when he already knows someonemuchmore well suited for the role.Sequel toThinking On The Fly. Virgil slowly learns what real friends are.





	If you’d let me be your friend

It starts with his debate with Logan.

Virgil spends most of his time thinking of the worst things that could ever happen. He tries to reason that if he’s already thought of the Worst Thing, then it won’t happen because he’s already pictured it in excruciating detail.

But then, Logan doesn’t do the Worst Thing. Quite the opposite. He... he actually compliments him, on debating of all things! When he  _hissed_  at him!  _“I don’t necessarily mind your company.”_  So, could that... could that mean...?

“Don’t be a fool,” Deceit whispers to him. “He’s never needed your company before. That doesn’t mean anything.”

Virgil almost wonders out loud if this is what Logan meant when he talked about cognitive distortions. He bites his tongue. 

Logan’s lesson soon goes out of his thoughts as things get rockier, and Deceit hisses in his ear to duck out. There’s no point in staying with them, after all, they don’t actually like him, it’s not as if his presence is doing any good-

So, he leaves.

And then... well. It gets complicated. Turns out, they do need him. And, Virgil is so pre-occupied with getting them all out of his room safely, that he hardly realises he’s stopped listening to Deceit’s words. He doesn’t know where he’s gone, but he’s not in Virgil’s room anymore, and for some reason, he feels relieved.

One day, Virgil feels brave enough to ask. “Hey, Patton?”

Patton looks up from the card he’s drawing, then gasps with joy at Virgil’s doodles on his own sketchpad. “Wow, Virge, your handwriting’s so neat!”

“Oh, um.” Virgil scratches his neck, unused to real compliments. “Thanks and stuff.”

“So, did ya need me?”

“Yeah, I... I was just wondering.” Virgil worries his lip, bouncing his pencil off the paper. “What do you do if...  _maybe_... you- you think a friend’s been lying to you?”

Patton’s eyes widen as if he somehow knows exactly what Virgil is talking about. “Then they’re not a true friend,” he says, with such feeling that Virgil has to stop himself from hugging him right then and there.

* * *

He does not talk to Deceit anymore. Perhaps that should scare him, but for once, it doesn’t. He lets himself look in the mirror and occasionally smile at his own reflection. He flits in and out of Logan’s room to borrow more puzzle books, and Logan starts to leave a little pile of them on his desk, waiting for him. He keeps the room to his own door open for Patton just to say “goodnight” to him, and moves the spider curtains so Patton doesn’t have to see them. It’s... more difficult with Roman. Yes, they have silly banter over missing posters and still have casual nicknames, but Virgil still finds it hard to recognise that there is now no mean intent behind Roman’s words.

But then, the Hogwarts video helps. Roman has never been one for subtlety, and there’s all the talk of them all belonging to the same “school”, and Virgil sees the effort, he really does, especially when Roman is stumbling over his words, trying so very hard not to offend.

He gets it, what they’re all trying to tell him. He can fit in the group in whatever way he wants- but now he is always a part of it. 

When the video’s over, Virgil goes to his room and finds a collection of Harry Potter robes and accessories on his bed, neatly folded. It’s things from all houses, with a Slytherin tie on top. Purple and green do match nicely, he can’t argue with that. Underneath the tie, there is a note. He smiles at Roman’s looping calligraphy:  _Harry Potter Marathon?_

Virgil knows now that he could easily say no, and Roman wouldn’t press the issue. He also knows that this is Roman attempting to smooth things over, start a new chapter, and he can at least meet him halfway on it.

He’s glad that none of them make it into a big deal when he goes out of his room, curling up on the couch as Roman starts the movies. Patton just beams, and Logan briefly looks up from his book with a barely there smile, but genuine all the same.

Logan and Patton stay until halfway through Goblet of Fire, before calling it a night and heading to bed. Roman offers to stop the movie then, but Virgil shrugs and says he doesn’t mind. He can tell Roman is still wrapped up in the story, too awake to stop now. Besides, the volume isn’t turned up too much, and as Virgil lets his mind wander, he finds it relaxing to occasionally hear a line of dialogue as his body grows heavier on the couch. In the midst of growing tiredness, one line stands out:

_“We’ve all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”_

Deceit once told him he was the Dark to Roman’s Light. It had eaten away at Virgil, made him think it was little wonder they never got on. That’s just the way things had to be.

But now, hearing this, Virgil wants to tell Deceit he has it all wrong- and maybe whether he’s “dark” or not is not what really matters at all. 

He doesn’t realise that he’s leaning on Roman’s shoulder until he hears a soft laugh, and feels Roman moving so he doesn’t crick his neck.

“You okay, Moaning Myrtle?” Roman whispers.

Virgil smiles. He thinks of saying yes and spilling out everything all at once: how it’s so nice to just relax and not hear That Voice feeding him slippery doubts; how he’s so glad he didn’t duck out for good; how he knows that Roman’s nicknames are fond now, and how, sure, they might still fight in the future, but they’ll be okay. He knows he  _belongs_  now.

“Yeah, jus’... sleepy, I guess,” he says.

Another laugh. “Then sleep, Hogwild Style.”

Virgil yawns. “Not one of your best,” he teases.

He falls asleep feeling safe and secure, and lets Deceit fade into a nasty memory.

* * *

Now, he doesn’t have that luxury. Now, his heart is pounding as he locks Roman’s room- a sleeping Logan, Patton and Roman all inside.

Logan had been the last to succumb to sleep, terrified of Deceit returning to taunt Roman again. Virgil does not know how Logan has held Deceit off for so long, but he suspects it’s a temporary solution. In fact, he knows it when Logan finally does fall asleep, and he’s overwhelmed with sudden nerves.

He only has precious moments. Fight or flight. And, even if he does fight, Virgil knows he has to get far enough away to keep them safe.

He sprints through to his room, thoughts a messy jumble. Part of Virgil almost finds it funny that Roman once compared him to J.D- especially when he already knows someone  _much_  more well suited for the role. He gasps out with nervous laughter, his fingers shaking to the tune of the too damned appropriate song, and tries to make it work for him, channeling his now frantic energy into sealing his room shut.

_[Virgil’s running on, running on fumes now, Virgil’s totally fried!](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DYOsWPIqL22s&t=MjkzZTUzNjI3NWYzNTc2MzVjNDBiY2E0ODdhNDNmYmZkMjQxZGEyMyw3MGV3Zjc1Tw%3D%3D&b=t%3AhFScKY0rKrxzJeXJqUwA3g&p=https%3A%2F%2Fvirgilsjourney.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F170553747705%2Fteeny-preview-of-a-sequel-to-thinking-on-the-fly&m=1) _

Focus, focus, think, where’s the best place to-

_Virgil’s gotta be tripping on ‘schrooms now, thinking that he can hide!_

Stop, think logically, what would Logan-

Virgil’s whole room shudders. A curtain pole falls and breaks and Virgil grits his teeth, forcing himself to stare at his door. He tries to think like Roman- and for once he wants to make fiction into fact, as he imagines the door being unable to open.

_Virgil’s done for, there’s no doubt now, notify next of kin! Virgil’s trying to keep him out now-_

The room shakes again. There’s a dull thud from behind the door, before it creaks open the tiniest amount. A sliver of darkness, and one cold, reptilian eye staring at him.

_Too late! (He got in)._

“Knock knock,” Deceit says with the ghost of a cruel laugh. 

“Haven’t you done enough?” Virgil snarls. “I’m not listening to you anymore.”

“Oh, noted, noted. I don’t think you get that it doesn’t matter whether or not  _you_ listen to me, my dear. Roman is idiotic enough for all of you.”

“ _Don’t_ talk about him like that,” Virgil says, heated. “Besides, I can help him. He has  _me_.”

Suddenly, there’s frantic hammering on the door. Virgil’s stomach plummets.

“Virge?! Virge, open up, kiddo, please!” 

“Patton,” he says, trying not to let hysteria creep into his voice. “Patton, get away! It’s not safe, it’s-”

“Oh, it’s fine,  _Patton_ ,” Deceit spits. “Virgil has everything under control, isn’t that right?”

Virgil just glares at him, breathing heavily.

Deceit leans forward. “Why don’t you _prove_  it?” 

Virgil is reacting before he can think about it, lunging backwards quick as a flash. But, Deceit is one deadly second faster, and Virgil just has time to register a yellow glove gripping his wrist before everything goes dark.

* * *

He wakes slowly. He’s lying down somewhere and his cheek brushes against the cold, unfamiliar flooring. Wait. His hand reaches out, feeling around him. Maybe not so unfamiliar. 

Virgil blinks his eyes open, groaning when he sees that he’s in the wings. Not this again. His groan abruptly dies when, from somewhere on stage, he hears his own voice. 

“This’ll never be good enough, Roman.”

It sounds  _demonic_ , the distortion that happens whenever he is overwhelmed heightened to the extreme. 

_Yo, boy, keep it together. I knew you would come far._

Virgil steps out into the light. He hisses out a breath at what he sees: Roman, on stage again, but curled in on himself, knees to his chest. In front of him lies a torn script, filled with scrawled notes. And standing over Roman, grinning is-

Well.  _Himself._

The eyeshadow is even darker, stretched down to his cheekbones. The eyes flicker over Virgil, and for one, heart-stopping moment, flash yellow.

_Yo, boy, feel a bit punchy? He’s not looking so well._

“Did you honestly think I would ever  _befriend_  you?” Deceit-as-Virgil sneers.

Roman whimpers, keeping his face hidden. “Stop, I know it’s not- you’re not- get out, get  _out_.”

Virgil runs over. “Cut the crap, Deceit,” he says. Roman gasps, head jerking up. “I’ve never said _befriend_  in my life.”

He chances a glance down at the script, and can’t stop his hand from flying to his mouth. The notes are filled with cruel, biting insults, all made to look as if...

_He’s got your handwriting down cold._

Virgil kicks the script away. “Roman,” he pleads. “I’d never say that, please, please, believe me-”

Roman’s hand reaches for him, and clings on tight. “I know, Virgil, I know.” He deliberately turns away from Deceit to look at him. He manages a smile, despite everything. “I knew it wasn’t you.”

Deceit laughs. Virgil’s stomach churns as he watches his own face start to morph, scales creeping over one cheek.

“Don’t  _lie_ to yourself, Virgil. You could’ve easily said those things. Back when-”

“Yeah, maybe,” Virgil cuts him off. “I could’ve said a  _lot_ of things back then, when I listened to you.”

Roman’s hand jerks in his own. Virgil squeezes back.

“But that’s not what friends do,” he continues. It’s the surest thing he’s ever said, he knows.

Deceit’s eyes narrow. He turns to Roman. “Do you even want a friend like  _that_ , Roman? He is the dark to your light.”

Roman actually laughs. “Are you trying to scare me or something? I’m... I’m not  _ignorant_  anymore.” He stands, pulling Virgil up with him. “I know Virgil only wants to protect us. That’s the best thing a friend could do. Which is more than can be said about  _you_.”

At the word ignorance, something in Virgil’s brain clicks. He hears Logan’s voice:  _If you’re worried about getting hurt, then seek knowledge._

“I gave you power,” Virgil admits, “by listening to you. I can take it away.” He plants his feet firmly on the floor. “I know I can.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

And, no, nothing can be solved just like that, Virgil knows this. It will take time. But Virgil looks over to Roman as they stand there, shoulder to shoulder, allies in the battle. They can overcome this together.

Roman takes a deep breath. “Sorry,  _darling._ This is my theatre, and I think you’ve had far too many lines for today.”

He tugs Virgil by the hand, cries out, “Steady breaths, Virge!” And they’re flying, tumbling through the air and then-

They’re not anymore. Virgil groans, massaging his head as he realises it’s struck against his fallen curtain pole. Wait. Which means they’re back in-

“Of all the stupid,  _reckless_  things,” Logan is saying, somewhere above him. Virgil looks up, and sees Logan and Patton crouching over them. There’s telltale grey beginnings of eyeshadow on Patton’s face but Logan’s is already in thick layers.

“You idiots,” Logan chokes, voice breaking.

There’s a hand stroking his knuckles over and over, and Virgil realises Roman is still holding his hand.

“Sorry Specs.” Roman’s voice is hoarse. “Think he won’t be back for a while, now.”

Logan actually sobs, throwing his glasses off. “ _My_  idiots,” he corrects, and Virgil knows he means,  _I love you both too much to lose you._

And Virgil watches as Logan continues to cry, and Patton fetches him water, gripping the glass tight with fury, and Roman clutches his hand, trembling. These are his friends, and they are far, far more than their titles. Logan can feel; and Patton can rage; and Roman can be rocked by insecurity.

And he... he can be brave.

This is how they’ve always been. They don’t fit into neat little boxes, they never have. They fit however they want to fit. And they’ll face any challenges together.


End file.
